The alarm went off at an ungodly 3:44am.   There is only one reason a sane person gets up at 3:44am and that is because they are going fishing.    I pulled together my gear, buried a giant Nestle Quik and opened the back door to see what the day had in store.   The rain smacked into my face like a bad chick flick- Sideways.

Perfect striper weather.

The Scion was runnin’ hot and I hydroplaned half the way to Scituate.  You know, usually when I catch Coast to Coast it’s after a late night at a  rink parking lot, but nothing wrong with a little crop circle and UFO talk on the ol’ am radio when you’re headed out to sea.  However, even George Noory couldn’t prepare me for what I’d see when I pulled into Rob’s driveway at 5:45am…

Unfamiliar cars were parked outside and the garage doors were wide open.  Perhaps I still had sand in my eyes but it sure looked like someone was holding an audition for “So You Think You Can Dance?” in his garage.   Legs and arms were flying all over the place.  From their outfits, it was clear that these go-getters were not here to go fishing, and since they were up this early, they were clearly not sane.

Before I could peel my eyes away from Boot Camp, the familiar smell of Clubman told me that the former Trinity College Golf Squad’s #3 was in the vicinity.  Fellow small man, and no stranger to the South Shore waters, Maccer had arrived and was ready to fish (in golf attire).

Captain Rob greeted us at the door and soon we were off to Belsan Bait and Tackle for some fat worms, Sabiki rigs and an arms length of Pringles.

By this point, the skies had cleared up a bit and the plan was to head out, fish for awhile and then head in around 8:30 to meet up with some late sleepers who would join us for the second shift.   We found our way to Scituate harbor and feasted eyes upon Haulover, the newest addition to the Hayes family.   She was born under a waxing moon in 2007, measures 24 feet long , weighs 5,050 pounds and eats a steady diet of Bud Light and pureed Striper.

The engine was fired up, the Penn Slammers were rigged up and Maccer was all giddied up.  We pulled out of the harbor, pretending that the fog would lift at any moment and we’d be able to see beyond 30 feet.

When we cleared the jetty we were greeted by an old man trying to return soup at the deli.   It was choppy like Mr Fuji’s right hand out there, but the SS Haulover had seen worse.   Lesser waves had only recently swamped her sistership, the McLuvin, and filled the radio with mayday calls of  “SML. SML. Save McLuvin”.   But we would not be denied.

Within a half hour a bluefish was in the boat and the first beer was cracked…

As 8:30 neared, the fog rolled in and we headed back to the slip to pick up Kavs and Stearns.  Just as we tied up, the skies unleashed- sending roofers and other furry creatures running for cover.   From the comfort of the Bimini top, we threw some lines in the water and hauled up an Opilio crab.  Apparently the hard stuff was going to keep coming down for quite awhile so a new plan was needed.  A phone call was placed to TKO Malley’s:

“What time does your restaurant open?         Hmmm.  11 o’clock.   How about your bar?”

Click.

So, it being too early for the Scituate saloons, we headed back to Rob’s to wait out the storm, raid his beer fridge, clog his bomber and play some pool.  Stearns came out strong, not only with his 9 ball play, but also by breaking out Million Dollar Strong- consider this your official publicgolf foul language warning.   As the rain poured,  we mowed down all comers Maestro-style and enjoyed a neighborly mulcher with a bottomless wheelbarrow.   But the sea was calling…

We loaded back up and Kavs joined the crew as Stearns bid adieu to go buy a themepark somewhere in Maine.

Haulover soon cleared the jetty again and with the fog now lifted, set a beeline for the hallowed fishing grounds of our youth- Bird Rock.   After a few false alarms and itchy gaff fingers, the first striper of the season nailed a tube.  For the next two hours or so, Capt. Rob kept us on the sweet spot and simply cranked up the fish count (and the Coldplay).

Almost out of seaworms, beer and Pringles, Haulover hauled us back to Scituate Harbor and back to the real world.

So the big question- who won the first publicgolf fishing challenge?

I’d have to say, the man didn’t fight a fish all day, but he sure put us on the crab in conditions that would have sent Sig or Captain Phil back to the safety of Dutch Harbor.   Capt Rob of the Haulover wins the first publicgolf fishing challenge.   Ahhhh   hhuuuhhhhh.

However, this decision may cause some controversy seeing as Maccer landed the biggest fish (but also caught a lobster pot) and Kavs landed the most fish (but also caused plumbing issues).  And while I caught Fish #1, it was a bluefish, which is like catching a pickerel.

So- there may be only one way to settle this.  Publicgolf fishing challenge 2: extreme striper edition?

stay tuned…

and set your alarm.

-granny

no bus legs for Billy G tonight-  great game

Stowaway is a short course, but for my man Brian, this may have been a long 9 holes…

what were the odds that one of the only clips of The Shattuck Golf Club would feature someone doublefisting black gloves? perfect…

not many public golfers get to play Augusta- but their iPhone app is definitely the nice price.  Zero point zero dollars.

The hole flyby’s are pretty sweet, but missing is the Master’s music, a virtual Butler cabin and a green protective jacket for the phone.

May have to shoot Jay an email to see if the TPC has one in the works yet…

just one question-  where’s the shovel that dug up that Schlitz can?

Final results are in for 2008 and it looks like a pair of brothers have claimed the PublicGolf.tv crown for 2008.   Like the 1972 Dolphins,  Pete and Mark Meunier went perfect for the season with a sterling 1-0 record, sealing the deal with a dramatic 18th hole victory at the Hampden Fall Classic.

Locked at 2-2 over the season were eternal arch-enemies, Granny and Hoss.  Clearly, nothing was settled in 2008.

Deadlocked at 1-1 were strong competitors Roland “Legoland” Lucier and Shawn O’Connor.  Lucier showed true grit earning his victory during the fabled Deadliest Round match.  O’Connor- veteran of the 1981 Division 2 Open State Champion Wilbraham Falcons- is no stranger to success in the competitive arena and may have earned rookie of the year honors if he had not left an eagle putt 28 feet short.

A number of PublicGolfers ended the season at 0-1.  Pat Kendall clearly cannot be happy with this performance and we expect big things from him in ’09.   Deano will be deadly in the two man scramble once Walt finishes building his windmill and can tee it up again.  Maurice showed promise in his one outing this season- talk of a PublicGolf excursion to Chicago could put a spark in his game.  Holmes came to play with some new sticks in ’08 but needs to get more rounds under his belt next season.  Guapo looked poised to go 1-0 on the season until he got sidetracked thinking about the heavenly combination of kielbasa with a potato roll.   “Ace” Carlin could be the darkhorse heading into the offseason,  if he can put away the memories of 15 at Hampden.

For the books—-  2008 PublicGolf.tv final record:

Champions:  1 win-0 losses

• Pete Meunier
• Mark Meunier

Draw:  2-2

• Tom Presz
• Eric McGranahan

Contenders:  1-1

• Shawn O’Connor
• Roland Lucier

Needs Improvement:  0-1

• Pat Kendall
• Dean McGranahan
• Sean Moriarty
• Jonathan Holmes
• Pete Pessalano
• Jimmy Carlin

message left on the Mill Valley answering machine. 2:12 am Saturday, November 29

“I don’t know where you people come from. I don’t know where you learned to pack a cooler, or determine the quantity of beer that fits inside your coolers, for your beers are very delicious. Loved your course for 30 somethin’ years, but I can’t take and entertain a frozen foursome of public golfers on six little 12 ounce cans of sauce. I don’t mind paying more money for your 16 ounce kingers, but you don’t sell those anymore- you’ve got a 12 ounce can and you’ve got three men who weigh over 200 pounds apiece and a thirsty little guy- a Scottish fella- and you’re gonna try and take six 12 ounce cans of beer and go 18 holes?- it ain’t gonna work. And I’m not gonna purchase your product anymore or ever again. And as far as your 16 ounce Bud Light? I don’t drink that. I’m not from the North Shore. I’m a Wilby Man- and I need a few Corky’s or Guinness to go with the potato rolls and the Blue Seal. And I can’t see going to a few little 12 ounce cans to feed 4 frozen hackers. And I’m not gonna buy two of those 12 ounce cans just because you want to downsize and charge the same god damned price. I’d sure like a reply and I’d sure like you to go back to your 16 ounce foamers and filling up that frickin’ cooler to the frickin’ brim cause I’m not gonna buy it otherwise ever again. I’ll just have my own damn sauce brewed by Deano like I used to 15 somethin years ago. It’s not as tasty as yours is, and it makes the left side of your face go numb, but it’ll work. Dffgyhyhdjddhdyujdjdudjdjdjd. Sorry, I dropped the phone- happens sometimes. Goodbye.”

The leaf ball rule was in full effect this past Friday as nine Public Golfers battled it out at the legendary Hampden Country Club.

Hampden has been a hotbed of some serious Western Mass golf activity since the early 80’s, when word of Jim Rice driving the 17th green in a Pro-Am first leaked out.  In the mid 80’s, Ed Bilik packed his pipe and smoked a 63 onto the card for the course record, a round that some said could never be equaled by man or beast.  In 1994 however, four beasts- known only as the Gangsta Golfers-  took advantage of some rookie tee placements and ate up Hampden in a number so far under par that public decorum prevents me from repeating it here.

Against this history, nine stood on the first tee- Frenchy, Holmes, Granny.  Hoss, Pete and Mark Meunier.  Beff, Carlin and the man they call Guapo.  Which team would claim the first publicgolf.tv Fall Classic?

After six holes the match was surprisingly tight- all teams hovering around par and struggling to contain the quick greens.   A decision was made to regroup and break camp.  With great fanfare, the ceremonial kielbasa was brought forth.  With dual burners going, a few feet of Blue Seal was cooked up in no time at all.  We let a bewildered twosome play through the picnic and one inquired what he would have to do “to join the club”.   At the next board meeting we will discuss this interesting opportunity of bringing on pledges.

Once all the potato rolls were gone, things picked up again and some birdies made their way onto the card. And then the teams encountered what shall henceforth be known as the Massacre on 15.   Whoever set the pin on 15 Friday morning must have been in a most foul mood.  Thursday night for that dude could only have ended in a bourbon haze and possibly an ended relationship.  The cops and/or a farm animal may have been involved.

Whatever it was, there was carnage on 15.  I didn’t see it, but word quickly spread about a three-man scramble double bogey that sent a shiver up my spine and caused Ed Bilik to spit out his pipe.   Perhaps a bear came out of the woods and attacked just as they were lining up a putt?  We’ll never know, but we do know this-  someone owes two guns.

When things get that ugly, you need to circle the wagons and remember that there is safety in numbers.  We played a ninesome for the next few holes.

By 17, cell phones started buzzing and a few smoke bombs were thrown as Holmes, Granny and Carlin all took off early.  The remaining public golfers battled it up 18 with Hoss, Rubble and Mark securing the Fall Classic victory with a dramatic last hole birdie.  Well done.

As Fall Classic champs, your team has earned the prized Tentsite #1 at next year’s GolfStock.

4104 miles southeast of Dutch Harbor,  the publicgolf.tv crew met up on a stormy Saturday to test the venerable Mill Valley Golf Links.    You know it’s going to be a good day when you pull up to the course and the only other car there is a Jeep Scrambler.

They said the heavy stuff wasn’t going to come down for quite a while, but as we headed to the first tee it was clear that we’d be getting wet.   However, a little rain was no obstacle for 4 guys who really needed to just get out of the house.

Rain gloves?  check.

Extra towels?  check.

Two coolers?  check.

3 pounds of Blue Seal kielbasa, a brand new skillet and a full tank of propane?  check.

The stage was set for an epic two man scramble- Hoss and O’Connor vs. Frenchy and Granny.   Mill Valley has seen it’s share of heated matches over the years and this one didn’t disappoint.   Like the calm before a brutal storm the first few holes snuck by rather uneventfully, but the old timers in the group knew what lay just around the bend.

As the wind picked up and the rain came down on the 5th tee, a Shotgun Challenge was issued and quickly accepted.  There was no turning back.

On the sixth tee, the Class of ’88 found themselves weighing 12 ounces heavier thanks to a glorious chip in by yours truly.

The next verse was same as the first as Frenchy and Granny ripped off three straight birdies and had the big men reeling.   We were on the crab.

On the 9th, the rain finally let up a bit, the grill was fired up and the talk was of knives.   It was a good batch of Blue Seal-  but could it be enough to alter the match?

On a saturated 10th green we would soon find out— O’Connor lined up a thirty foot eagle putt and made it only 8 feet towards the hole.   Hoss made it 12 feet.  I had to look away.

We promptly birdied both the 12th and 13th as the Geto Boys cranked throughout the Valley.

Somehow the big guys fought back- they seemed inspired when the music shifted to Soundgarden- and took a big win on the longest par three in Mass- a 250 yard bruiser out near the Peanut Shack that sent the good guys into the cooler.   A few more missed putts and the match was at one.

It all came down to a final 5 footer on 18 that Granny uncharacteristically drained for the victory.

To sum up- a perfect day out at Mill Valley, one of the best public courses you’ll find anywhere.

The course is always in good shape, the price is always right, the beer is cheap and cold- and the management top notch

(except for that Segway idea).

The publicgolf.tv crew will be heading back this fall for the Frozen 8 so let me know who’s in-  and be sure to ask Hoss about booking a prime tent spot for Golfstock…